Thursday, February 13, 2014

To be without

I was trying to find this quote for my first post but couldn't remember where I'd put it.

"To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness."
-Bertrand Russell

I've been thinking about this today.  When I first read this quote I thought it was the dumbest thing I'd ever heard.  How can I possibly be truly happy until I've realized every dream, purchased everything I want, and become who I want to be?  Happiness has always felt like something to be achieved.  I've never been good at finding joy in the journey.

Then I thought about it more.  I recently read this great book by Malcolm Gladwell called David and Goliath.  At one point the author is telling of an interview with a very successful Hollywood producer (or something like that) about being a parent.  This guy was spilling all his worries about raising super rich kids.  According to recent statistics, the most at risk group for stuff like anxiety, depression, drug use, suicide...is upper class white teenagers.  Kids who have everything.  They don't ever learn what it means to save up for something or wait until the time is right or not have instant gratification every second of every day.  And apparently they are miserable.

Then I had this other thought....what if I could eat sushi every day?  I LOVE sushi.  I only eat sushi about 3 times a year because it's really expensive - especially in the amounts I like to eat.  But part of the glory of finally eating sushi (or really good Indian food or going on a really awesome vacation or buying something big I've been needing or wanting forever) is the anticipation. If I could have sushi every day of my life, I'd be so bored with it.  It would lose some, or most, of it's appeal.  Part of the reason I love to eat sushi so much is that it's always a special occasion when I do.  I save up for it, I imagine how good it's going to taste, I enjoy every bite :)

Silly example, I know, but I think it could be applied to lots of bigger things in our lives.  If I could magically make all my dreams come true tomorrow, that would sort of be lame.  I for sure wouldn't enjoy things the same way if I got what I wanted when I wanted it.  The wanting and hoping and dreaming and working and anticipating are actually good things.  If I didn't have something to look forward to, then what would I really have?

I don't know.  Maybe I'm wrong.  And maybe that guy that said it is wrong.  But I'm trying to dissect it and believe it and know that it's ok to be without.

4 comments:

  1. Not wrong. I think that's 100% true. If more people lived like that - the world would be a better place! This baby brain book was saying that kids who did better in life - success and iq and everything were the ones tht could delay gratification the best on tests when they were 4. It meant they were way more emotionally mature which equaled better everything. Kind of interesting. You're smart.

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  2. I love your thoughts on this subject. Such a good reminder for me!

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  3. When we were house shopping we looked at a house with a beautiful yard -- everything in raised beds, mature fruit trees, paths, benches, etc. Our realtor was probably frustrated with us, but we didn't want it. We wanted to create that ourselves! Even though it has been really slow, and we still have decades of projects left, it is satisfying because WE have created it. If it was just given to us we would only notice the flaws, and be dissatisfied.

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  4. Remember your first post? You say you've never been good at finding joy in the journey...This is your journey and those little things you're seeing and appreciating? That's the joy. We might not see it everyday, but I think it's wonderful to sit back and find happiness and meaning in our trials, even if it takes months to find it.

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