How this started...

My life has not turned out to be what I expected it would be.  Not that I had any huge dreams as a little girl, and not that I don't have plenty to feel grateful for right now...I just have days where I wake up and start my day and I look around and think "Well this isn't quite how I pictured it all going."

It's been two weeks since I had another miscarriage.  Having one miscarriage was devastating.  Having another one nine months later was, at first, a huge shock.  And then devastating all over again.  But today I took my son to story time at the library and then to Great Harvest to get a loaf of bread and a free slice.  We sat by the window and I ate my cheese bread while he ate his cookie.  He asked me questions and we laughed and played and I realized that if I had a baby in my arms right then, I wouldn't be having this moment.  It was nothing big.  But I'm starting to see that all these small moments I'm having with him...right after he wakes up from his nap and we snuggle for a few minutes, while I'm making dinner and he wants to be right next to me, every time he says, "Mommy, will you play cars with me?" and I actually stop what I'm doing to play cars with him...this is what's making up my life.  It might not be what I originally pictured for myself as a 31-year-old stay at home mom, but it's simple and it's sometimes fun and I want to soak it all in.  In a couple years, having his mom play cars with him will be the last thing he'll want.

I debated about making my first post about such intimate details of my life, but it was right after I had a good cry about this second lost pregnancy that the idea for this blog came to me.  Even though I don't have everything that I want, and even if I can't afford to buy everything that tv commercials tell me I HAVE to have, and even though life can be heart-wrenching at times, I can learn to live with less and have more.  AND be happy.  I don't NEED everything I want.  And when I don't get what I want, it gives me an opportunity to look around and see what I DO have.  One kid instead of two is not what I wanted right now, but I have more of some things because I have less of what I thought I wanted.

This blog will be my thoughts on how I can have a richer life with less of what I thought I wanted.  I'm sure it will also be mixed with vegetarian recipes and quotes from books I'm reading and photos of sewing/craft projects and other randomness that I want to share :)

Might as well end with a quote from an awesome book by Tammy Strobel that I just finished.

"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn, or consumed.  Happiness is a spiritual experience of living every moment with love, grace, and gratitude."  -Dennis Waitely